Joseph's Sick
Joseph’s Sick: A Play
By Kaushik Viswanath
Characters:
Robo: A Man – The victim of the play
Niya: A woman – Robo’s wife
George: A man – The mason
Joseph: A man – Nobody
Fromus: A man – Nurse
Lieben: A girl – Niya’s daughter of George
SCENE I – Robo and Niya’s House
Robo: I feel sick.
Niya (feeling his forehead): So do you.
Robo: “So do you”? What do you mean?
Niya: Joseph’s sick
Robo: Who’s Joseph?
Niya: How should I know?
Robo: I thought you knew.
Niya: The mason.
Robo: What about him?
Niya: His name is George.
Robo: So?
Niya: Starts with the same letter as “Joseph”.
Robo: No. “Joseph” starts with J. “George” starts with G.
Niya: So what? I love him!
Robo: What?
Niya: You heard me. I don’t love you anymore. I love him. I’m leaving you.
Robo: Who’s him? Joseph? And how can you leave me? We got married yesterday! Plus, I’m sick! You can’t leave a sick man… can you?
Niya: You don’t even listen when I’m talking. I love George!
Robo: The mason?
Niya: Yes!
Robo: For how long?
Niya: Since I met you.
Robo: Huh?
(Niya storms out of the house)
SCENE II – The Hospital
Fromus: Lovely.
Robo: What?
Fromus: You have a temperature of 310.
Robo: What?!?!
Fromus: Kelvin. 310 Kelvin.
Robo: What?
Fromus: That’s 37 degrees Celcius. Normal body temperature. We’ll have to move you to the operation theatre.
Robo: What?!!
Fromus: Just kidding. Oh, you know what?
Robo: What?
Fromus: You have a visitor.
(Joseph walks in)
Joseph: Hi Robo, I’m Joseph.
Robo: What?
Joseph (yelling, really screaming): I SAID, HI ROBO, I’M JOSEPH! I LOVE NIYA AND I’M GOING TO MARRY HER!
Robo: What?!?!
Joseph: Sorry, I didn’t say the part about Niya the first time. We’re getting married tomorrow.
Robo: What…
Joseph: … about your marriage? It was a fake wedding, so there’s no problem.
Robo: What?!!?
Joseph: Yep. Fake wedding. Fromus here was the priest. He happens to be a Satanist.
Robo: What!!??
Joseph: You’d better believe it.
Robo: What about George?
Joseph: The mason?
Robo: Yes.
Joseph: What about him?
SCENE III – Niya and George’s Home – 5 years later.
(Robo walks in.)
Robo: Hello Niya.
Niya: Hello Robo, nice to see you after so many years.
Lieben: Unkal, Unkal, come have some human kidney juice!
Niya: Oh, Lieben, stop being morbid.
Robo: Who’s this?
Niya: Lieben. She’s my daughter.
Robo: She’s so cute and chubby.
Niya: Oh, she’s not chubby. She’s obese.
Robo: Um… she’s just chubby!
Niya: Oh stop it. You don’t have to be polite. She’s got all George’s genes. More like George’s mother’s genes.
Robo: George? This is George’s child?
Niya: Mine, too. She’s only 50% George, you know.
Robo: … What about Joseph?
Niya: Who’s that?
Robo: Joseph. He visited me in hospital and told me he was going to marry you.
Niya: Tsk tsk tsk. No such thing. I don’t know any Joesph.
Robo: Oh. So you’re married to George?
Niya: The mason?
Robo: Yes.
Niya: Yes.
SCENE IV – George’s Room.
(George is cementing bricks in odd places in his room)
Robo: George?
George: I’m leaving.
Robo: Huh?
George: I’m leaving Niya and Lieben.
Robo: What?! Why?
George: I’ve just realised something.
Robo: What?
George: What?
George: I love you, Robo.
Robo: What!!??
George (yelling): I SAID I LOVE YOU, ROBO, WILL YOU BE MY WIFE OR HUSBAND?
Robo: … Does your name start with J?
--- Curtain ---
posted by Kaushik @ 1:55 am
17 Comments:
Naaaice one
#mistake no1: "And you can you leave me"
#second: 310 C is NOT normal body temp.
Thirdly..very naice. DId u think of this when u were suposed to be studying chemistry??
Preetika,
I am extremely grateful that you pointed out these errors.
mistake no.1: It has been fixed. The correct sentence is "And how can you leave me?"
Mistake no.2: 310K is normal body temperature, 370C is not. Normal body temperature is 37 degrees C, and while copying from Word to Blogger, the superscript 0 for degrees was unsuperscripted, making 37 370. I have now just written degrees in letters, instead of using the symbol.
Koze
Also, preetika, I wrote this during a chemistry period, I think.
Koze
i am extremely greatful that you are greatful for me having pointed out those errors (?? that soudns weird).
oh crap. i can't do the mean bitch routine. i'm sorry i had to post them, i'd have told u if u were online.
and if i forgot to mention it, good one.
you are good!!
now i know why you call your forte nonsense!
don't get me wrong, i'm all praises
Hehe, I cam, I saw, I read a funny play. And then I went and ate some banana cake.
dei you changed it!
Wasn't Lieben pregnant, and not obese?
btw, it's not greatful, it's grateful.
In the original draft, Lieben was pregnant, but that could be misconstrued as indicative of child abuse, and I didn't want any misconstruationism. And yes, Nandy, and Preetika, it is grateful, not greatful. You've made the same mistake in your blog, too, Pk.
Koze
Lol :D
Great. The way I see it, this play must be performed real fast. Like start to end in about 6 minutes. That way, you'd have enjoyed the nonsense, but you'll be pulling your hair out long after the play just sorting the characters out!
Another thing... in a play like this why do you worry abt political correctness? I am curious to know how Lieben's pregnancy would have been played out.
Oh, there's not much difference, really. It's just that when Robo calls Lieben chubby, Niya responds saying that she's pregnant, not chubby, and says it's because of some weird genes from George. I think that this works out better than the original, irrespective of political correctness.
Kaushik
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awesome stuff.
i think the comment just before this one is deletable as spam.
keep going!
Ozzum yo.
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